I saw an article the other day:

Painful relationships stuck and miserable!

… said the title. I didn’t feel like reading it. However, that title got me thinking.

Painful relationships stuck and miserable is how I’ve lived a large part of my life. Hmm?!

Relationships. What a wonderful creation. Exhaustive. Demanding. Enriching. Empowering. Heartbreaking. And magic like.

Marriages. Breakups. Families. Children coming along. Worries. Crises. Tenderness. Warmth. Challenges.

All in all, the most beautiful moments a human being can experience and share with another one.

The stories we tell each other. Those feelings we feel for one another. Amazing stuff we learn about ourselves. All through relationships. What a fluid, whimsical flickering thing! The one person who is your whole world in the morning is the same one making you feel mad, just at about lunchtime, on the same day… if not earlier, the very same day.

The oscillations, and then, the certainty.

God damn, how can she say that?

Oh, God, I love her.

Crazy, right! Human relationships:

I love you… I hate your guts… I love you… Please come back!

And I don’t mean just couples. Parents and children, brothers and sisters, friends, colleagues, mates.

That title: Painful relationships stuck and miserable… It touched me, more than I was willing to admit to myself.

There is another human being, with you. There is this connection. But, they have a mind of their own. No matter how well you think you know them… you don’t. And, how can you? They are just somebody else, not you. Another individuality. Another personality.

Somebody who can help you tremendously in discovering who you are, if you are willing, regardless of how they are, what they do, or, what they say. To you!

Which begged the question:

Can we really be taught success strategies about relationships?

Really?

I don’t think so. You have an argument with your wife, husband, or dad, or mum. They yell, you yell, and then you have this epiphany, you stop, and tell them:

“Hey, mum, dad, or honey… I’ve learned at this Power Relationships Seminar that you actually have low self-esteem… and unacknowledged issues with your parents, too. That is why you treat me, and anybody, at times, like hell. But, I’m cool, you know. I love you! It’s ok to be mad, baby! You’re just in denial. Ok?”

Even though this may be right on spot true, they will probably not hear you. You will probably irritate them even more. They were not at the same seminar. So what do you do? I believe the only thing you can do in any argument is always deciding who you are, regardless of the arguments you are having with whomever.

And so, I believe, the only relationship that can be helped, coached, assisted, and taught is only the relationship you are having with yourself. Any attempt you may have on influencing another may be at the edge of power-games and manipulating uncomfortable situations.

No matter how good you get and how charming you may be, these situations will always bite back. Can you inspire people, then? Yes! When you are being your authentic self… and, as importantly, when you are talking to the right audience.

Otherwise, you are wasting your breath.

Having your heart broken, like smashed to smithereens, can be your maturity exam. Before that, you know nothing; books, music, movies, smart conversations… However, living the experience, that is what makes you lucid, aware, alert. Alive!

And as you grow a little, and, become lucid, aware, alert, present, you can learn to let go. You can learn to accept. Better, yet, allow. Accept people for who they are at any point in their evolution, at any rate, they may be.

The distracted estranged father, the sever mom with expectations you couldn’t meet, the classmate who bullied you, the brother or sister who took advantage of you, the boyfriend or girlfriend who cheated or dumped you.

Be willing to appreciate their presence in your life. Yes, I know that voice who screams in your head:

But it’s not fair!

Maybe it’s not from our personality’s point of view. Nevertheless, I know, at the soul’s level, there must be a reason for everything. Anyway, if you are willing to appreciate the people in your life, those who seem impossible to be appreciated, how would that make you feel?

Free?

You bet! Free, and, ready to move on. Sometimes you just have to move on with your own journey. People who are ready to grow with you will grow with you. Others will just be following their own journeys without you. You just make sure you find out who YOU are.

So, that title: Painful relationships stuck and miserable – Yes, relationships can be excruciatingly painful at times, and I don’t just mean couples. But you are never stuck, really, and, you are not always miserable.

Ok! I invite you to review your relationships, be grateful for what you have learned about yourself, and appreciate what you have, while you have it.

Don’t wait until it’s gone.

You have my love. Let’s do something together.

 

 

Sandi Dragoi

Informal Educator, Author of "Think Zing! How to be YOU!", "Transformation Inside-Out" online course, and other self-awareness courses and books. The Host of The Zingnificent Show, Speaker & Personal Instructor. Above everything, Dad, in Love! ❤️

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