Values. Especially, how did we get them, is our main focus in this episode of the “Think Zing!” series. Before we’ll start though, I believe it would be highly valuable to assimilate and implement the golden rule, below. Meditate on it!
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
– Luke, 6:31
There are three periods of values creation as we grow up:
- The imprint period, from birth to about age 7.
- The modeling period from age 7 to age 14.
- And the socialization period, from about age 14 to age 21 and over.
Until age 7, you have very few filters and…
… absorb pretty much everything from around you.
You may remember that until 7 years old, your brain stays mostly in the alpha level, or even deeper. That also means that whatever happens around you becomes imprinted very easily. You are like a sponge, and take in whatever is going on, with very few filtering. In this period, your values came almost exclusively from your parents and caregivers.
Then, in the modeling period, from 7 years old to 14 years old, you make decisions about whom to model. This is the period of hero-worship.
In my case I wanted to be:
Rocky Balboa and Luke Skywalker.
Rocky and Star Wars were two very influential movies for me, in my childhood. My older daughter Noa, wanted to be Vanellope von Schweets from the Wreck-it Ralph cartoon, or Rapunzel when she was 5. My younger daughter Eva, when she was 3 years old, wanted to be either a princess or a bunny she loves. Or, Noa, her older sister.
I remember as I was working at a very early version of this book, 6 years ago, at age 36, I wanted to be my own version of Wreck-it Ralph. Then, soon after that, my ex-wife initiated our second divorced, and, I didn’t want to be anybody anymore.
However, now, at 42, as I begun to truly understand this material I’m sharing with you, I love to be me.
I’m happy and grateful, to me.
And, to my parents, and all my girls. I’m grateful to both Bill and Bob for helping me understand this material and transform it into my daily study and practice. Again, I’m grateful to me (my higher self & my mind-body complex) for giving more than a decade to study, build up, break down, build up and break down again, and, a fortune invested in education.
Try it! Be grateful to you for giving the time and money to study. Change your values with your true values.
So, TV stars, movie stars, rock stars, older brothers or sisters, the most popular person among your relatives become important to you in the modeling period.
Therefore, you borrow values from these heroes.
In the socialization period, from age 14 to age 21, as a teenager and young adult, you begin to adopt social, sexual, and personal values.
At this point, you begin to make choices about what is important to you. It is also the period when the major conflicts between you and your parents, teachers and authority figures begin.
Regardless of your past or current conflicts with other people, or with yourself, remember this: values are what is important to you. What you value determines how you invest or spend your time. Also, what you focus on. Meaning what you are thinking about, which is THE most crucial variable in life.
Values motivate you.
You produce the results you truly want, only, when you are motivated to do so; to ACT towards their materialization, and, never by avoiding something, anything.
Your values cause you to focus your mind on something, anything. Since what you are thinking about is something you will always create in a way or another, consciously and intentionally choosing your values establishes what you get in life.
Values also are helping you to evaluate what you have done, or what other people have done, after they did it, or after you did it. Each time you feel guilty or ashamed, for example, you get to feel that way because you have two sets of values.
And, a conflict between them.
You have your own set of values, and then another set of “we values”, as I call them, based on what someone told you that you were supposed to want. Since you don’t really want those things, which are coming from these generally accepted values, you don’t do anything to seek them. Even if you start any activity based on we values, you will find a way to stop it.
Then, when you evaluate what you’ve done, when you are judging yourself, using “we values” you end up feeling guilty and ashamed. So, be really clear about:
- What do you really want?
- How would you like to invest your time?
- What is important for you?
Think as often as you can about it.
If you think about it, your time is the most valuable investment you can make, or give to anyone or anything. Also, your values can show you the deeper structure of how you create your life. List your top 10 values. Start to write them down and as you arrange them in what you think is the right hierarchy, ask yourself:
Why is this important to me?
Then pay attention to your answers to find out if you are describing things or situations that you want to move away from or towards to.
Let’s say you value money.
So, when you ask yourself why is money important, you answer:
Without money life is hard, it sucks, I cannot buy the stuff I need, I cannot pay for my living… and I just hate it!
This kind of answer means you are thinking of something you do not want with the idea of avoiding it: a hard life, not being able to pay for stuff, etc.
As you know by now, to move away from something, to avoid it, you have to focus on it. Or, in other words, think about it. Whatever you focus on, you will find ways to make it come true. Your mental focus, the way you think, as you can see, is THE secret of life. Whatever results you get in life, you get them because you are focusing on them. You are thinking about them. Also, you are attaching emotion to them, by thinking strategies.
Thus you are motivating yourself to act.
Or, not. And then results happen.
You are really good at creating stuff, you see. We all are. Take a look around you, and at you. It is your creation. You did this, in time. Twenty-four hours a day, every day you are busy creating whatever you are focusing on. Meaning thinking about. So, as you have realized by now, your ability to create is perfect.
Play with your values, honestly, as I did! As Bob Proctor would say:
“It changed my life, like night and day!”
List your top 10 personal values. Look at each value and write down at least three reasons why that value is important to you.
After you are done, look at the list again.
Most likely, after you look at it for a while, you may decide that the hierarchy of your values is different than it was when you initially have arranged them.
Also, you may see that some of your values will not be really relevant anymore. If they were on the list because they represented something you were moving away from, and you realize this fact after you have examined your values with the three reasons why any value is important to you, they may not seem to belong anymore on your value list.
After this exercise, think about what changes you can make right now in your life.
The smallest change is what we are looking for.
This is the beginning of a totally new life for you. Things will change, as if by magic, one after the other. Because you change. Transform, more likely.
Also, you will realize that there are values that were not initially on the list. After this exercise, you will feel you want to add them there. Let’s say meaningful work is not on your list. That means that until now you have never considered meaningful work as being important to you. That may be the reason you don’t have it, yet.
Play with your values. I promise you will have one a-ha moment after another.
You want to feel better.
You want to make more money, to have more or better friends, to be a success. Also, you want a more meaningful, fulfilling and happy life. You will get it. I promise. It is all inside you and it was always there. Start a deliberate relationship with you, now. Learn about you. Understand and accept each aspect about you that you are now judgmental about.
Above everything else, be in control of what you create, inside and out. Through this book, I’m showing you what you are made of and what you are doing to create what’s happening in your life. I am also showing you how you can take control of this process. Be willing to adopt a new way of thinking and acting. Let go of any mental attachments you may have regarding the unfolding of your new life.
Be flexible and, above all, play.
We will discuss mental and emotional attachments soon, in Understanding.
You may feel internally chaotic at times as you try on these new ways of thinking and acting. This chaos, though, is an awakening cue. Embrace it. Let it be okay that as you transform there will be a period of internal chaos before you integrate your new understanding. Your new way of thinking and acting. Chaos is part of the process of positive change.
The only way you can suffer during this process is to resist the process itself. The resistance, as you will notice yourself while doing it, is nothing more than making internal representations of what you don’t want. Simply put, thinking about what you don’t want.
As you know now, you can intentionally choose what internal representations – what thoughts – to make. Thus, you do your filtering intentionally and consciously to a larger opening for a deeper understanding. It was a long chapter, with much information to digest, assimilate, and understand.
Take your time, with it!
Revisit it as often as you can. It took me quite some time to get it.
In the coming episode, we’ll start the sixth part of the “Think Zing!” book: Opening.
Until then, be well.
You can find all the episodes of the “Think Zing!” series hosted at The Zingnificent Show.